Painting by Abraham Hunter –

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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

A sensitive subject.....

I've been hesitant to share something with y'all.
I'ts not something that I'm ashamed of.....
it's just that it involves a very personal part of my life,
and a very sensitive topic.....
and also probably one with lots of different opinions.
Here, I'll share my own opinion from my perspective.....
which, in no way means I'm right,
please know that!!!
It's just what I've witnessed and felt in my own mind and heart.

For over 30 years I've been a part of a very destructive relationship.
Before you start wondering.....
it's not my own marriage.....
but that of my brother.
I believe this marriage was "unequally yoked" from the beginning.
Looking back, I so wish I had offered advice and counseling.....
but at the time, I was married and out on my own and had a child and really wasn't involved in the life of my brother at all.....
unless he had a problem.
I guess that's what a big sister is for, huh?

Over the 30 years of his marriage, 
I was called upon to intervene.....
by both him and my sister-in-law.....
sometimes in the middle of the night,
requiring an hour's drive to get there.
There were struggles, words slung in anger, separations, reconciliations.
A precious baby boy was born and he became the delight of Pappy and me.
We absolutely adored that baby boy.....
and still do.
But the relationship continued to decline.
Times were spent in church,
but more time letting the world inch in little by little.
Until.....
there was nothing more to hold onto!!

My advice to my brother many years ago was to leave.....
but he kept clinging to "God hates divorce".
We're told that in the Bible
I believe it.
But, in my heart here's why I think that statement is so true.
Divorce destroys the spirit of God's children.
It doesn't just affect the couple.....
but all those who love and care for them.
Relationships are destroyed.....
but again not just those of the divorcees.
Grandparents and aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews and cousins and "in-laws"......
every single person in the life of that man and woman is affected in some way.

I so wish I could have fixed this marriage.
(giving myself a bit too much credit there, don't you think?)
I didn't have it in my power to make that happen.
I pray so often for my brother and my sister-in-law,
but most of all for our nephew.
Because of certain circumstances, we aren't able to see him.
He's struggling.....
he needs help and  guidance and most of all LOVE.
He really needs the LOVE that he can only find in JESUS!!!

So, there you have it.
This is something that has had a huge impact on my life for many years,
but especially the last 16 months.
I know that it will never actually be over for any of us.
But, I do know that we serve a mighty God.
And, I also know that nothing that happens to us is for naught,
not even the bad stuff......
the rotten to the core, hurts me to the bone stuff!
Because if we are truly HIS.....
He can take all those ashes of our lives and create something absolutely beautiful.

Romans 12:18
If possible
so far as it depends on you, 
live peaceably with all.

Breathing in Grace,





5 comments:

  1. I hope and pray that sharing your challenging journey with your brother and SIL and nephew will help others. God has sustained you all....His strength is what we need woven into our lives daily. God bless...

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  2. Divorce is hard. Believe me, I know. Yet God promises beauty for ashes. Sometimes divorce is actually the best thing to happen. It can save lives. It can lead to salvation. And, sadly, in today's society it is not an uncommon thing. Children are resilient. As long as there is the love of Christ surrounding and sustaining then all will be well. Perhaps not as we hope but always as God desires. I have learned this, not only in my life but also through the lives of others. Cyber hugs to you my dear sister in Christ. :)

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  3. This is a very difficult situation to address. I've sit and rocked and thought about your post, I just don't know what to say. God does hate divorce but He hates to see His children so unhappy. Just keep covering them in prayer expecting the Holy Spirit to intervene in their lives and show them the way they should go. Tried so hard to find some words of wisdom for you but none came. I will be praying for your brother and his family. He is very blessed to have such a caring sister. ((hugs))

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  4. There are just things in life that are so big for us and things we want so desperately for God to change that we always carry a burden about. I also have repeatedly knocked on heavens door for His hand of love and heart of mercy to touch those I love so dearly. I HOPE in Him that one day victory will come. So often I have read your words and been encouraged by the Scripture you have shared. Lets just keep on praying and hoping dear friend!

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  5. Like you said Deb, divorce is a difficult situation for everyone involved. It is also an opportunity to reevaluate our own relationships and even more important, our relationship with our loving Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ. All things are for a reason and all things can bring us closer to God. My hugs and prayers are with ALL of you.

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Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24