Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Help my unbelief

*** Edited ***
I thought of something this morning before I got out of bed, that I hadn't realized before....unless I had forgotten, which could very well be because my thinker isn't what it used to be.
I was saved in January of 1966....which is also my birth month.
Isn't that amazing????
I was born twice in the month of January!!!

Mark 9:24 (NLT)

The father instantly cried out,
"I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!"

To read this entire story click here

This story reminds me of me....
well, more of maybe how I used to be.

If I'm not wrong...because I don't have the exact date, which disappoints me....but I was saved in January of 1966....at the age of 11 years old....which was 43 years ago this month. I was a young, scared, 11 year old girl who had been struggling for quite some time....the "struggle" was actually being under conviction. One Sunday morning, and it's as clear today as it was then....Mr. Jess Connor, who was a deacon in our church...who is now in heaven...came to me and asked if I would like to be "saved". I'm not sure that I completely understood what he meant....but I knew my heart couldn't take the struggle any longer, so I gave it to Jesus.
So...I've been a Christian for a long time....which means I've "believed" in Jesus for many years.
But....I still have to ask Him to help my unbelief.
Does this make sense to you at all?
I've tried to explain before about when I quit my job, about 2.5 years ago. That was another struggle. I kept having this conversation with God about how in the world He expected us to make it on just one salary, and He kept directing me to what I've claimed as my signature scripture....Jeremiah 29:11. One day, I was on our back porch...asking Him once again "how"...and what kept going thru my mind was "a future and a hope". I've never been a quitter....well, I've never thought myself as one....and I knew that turning in my notice would be so difficult with my boss...and it was...and I knew that the people I worked for wouldn't understand...and they didn't (not sure they still do)...but, I obeyed. That was one of the most difficult things I've ever done...to just walk away from a very well paying job...to walk away from friendships...to walk away from what I thought was security...to relying on God for my entire security. I had to ask God...just like the father in the verse above did...I had to ask Him to help my unbelief....and still do at times. Since that time....things have not always been easy, financially, or in other ways...but I wouldn't trade this close walk with my Father for anything in the world. He turned my unbelief into being a true believer. We've faced a situation lately where I was a bit disappointed....but....the thought came to me that I will accept whatever is God's will. I truly want His will for my life...why wouldn't I??? Who else knows me as well as He does??? Who else wants what's best for me as much as He does??? Who else can work the miracles that I've seen Him do in my life, especially in the past 2.5 years???
As I'm typing this, tears are pouring down my face. Not really sad tears...but tears of submission....tears of giving it all to Him....He's so very much in control, and that's how I want it to be. Does this mean that I never make a wrong decision, or never make a mistake??? Please...I'm human, so yes, I mess up...daily!!! But....He sends His Holy Spirit to prompt me in my decision making.....to help me write this blog....to help me in trying to be a counsel to others....in just whatever it is that I'm facing.
Oh, how I love Jesus!!!!
In His Love...and with mine!!!

1 comment:

  1. i completely understand what you are saying. i ask how and why almost daily. especially right now. but i should just lay it at his feet and not have an ounce of doubt or "unbelief" in me. he is our ultimate provider and without him we would have nothing..........nothing at all, so why do i have to ask so many questions all the time....i'm human, i know . .. .but he has to take care of our situations because we are his! and if i love my boys as much as i do, i can't imagine the love he has for me!


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