Tuesday, October 20, 2009

If a Child.....

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live to love and be loved.


I've had the idea for this post for quite some time....and actually have even written about it before....living with the "evil" spirit of offense....getting offended too easily. As I thought about what I would write....the above poem came to mind....and I think it explains exactly what I want to convey to you all. Be very careful what you say and do around your children....because even when you don't realize it...you're setting an example for them as to how they feel about themselves.

Here are some things I've learned:

1. I say "I'm sorry" probably....at the very least....10 times a day. I seem to be sorry for everything, even when it's something that I have absolutely no control over. If you have plans if it doesn't rain...and it rains...somehow I feel responsible. (you're probably thinking, "who does she think she is? God!!") Pappy has never really said anything about this "fault"...until over the weekend...he told me to please quit apologizing for things that I can't possibly have any control over!!!

So what did I do?!?!? I told him "I'm sorry", of course!!!

Don't cause your child to think they're responsible for your happiness.

2. I'm very critical of myself. I always have been. I never felt "good enough", so I hurried and made fun of myself before somebody else could. Little did I know...that always putting myself down would have a negative affect on my own daughter!!! And...putting myself down....hasn't stopped....I still find myself doing it....A LOT!!!

3. Don't always think that others are talking about you...thinking the worse of you....out to get you!! Truth be told...you're probably the last thing on their mind!! And...most people....are not out to deliberately hurt you!!! After all...the world does not revolve around me!!!

4. Do not criticize your husband, wife, children, grandchildren, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, step family.....just don't be critical of any of your family. It will cause your child to...more than likely....have the same opinion!!!

5. Never allow your child to be subjected to ridicule by another person....not a sibling....not your husband/wife. You can ask Jess about this one....the teacher I had to confront when she was in grade school....her first "boss" that I had to have a few words with because of how she was treated on the job. Never underestimate the fury of most MOMMA's....when their child has been scorned!!!

To this day....I cannot stand the word "fat"....and when I hear it there are so many emotions that get stirred up inside of my heart...and my head!! I would NEVER use that word to describe another person, because I know the damage it can do. There are several different people who come to mind when I hear that word....why?? Because that's what they used to describe me...quite often...as a child. I recently ran into some people who used to call me "that word"....and even now....so many, many years later....the hurt was still stirred up within me. It's like I became that little child once again, being ridiculed, made to feel less than perfect....not good enough!!! But....as much as I detest the word "fat"....that's still the word I use to describe myself. :(

6. FORGIVE!!! Above all....FORGIVE!!!

I'm adding this one because I believe it's so very important to teach our children forgiveness. There is such freedom that comes from releasing yourself from the chains of unforgiveness!!! Remember...when we won't forgive....the only person we're hurting...is ourselves!!! Is this easy? Only by the grace of God!!


No matter how disappointed we can sometimes get with one another.....continue to love each other....and never hesitate to say those words that all of us need to hear...

"I love you"

"I need you"

"I'm proud of you"

"Good job"!

The following verse of scripture is usually related to raising our children in church....but... it's so very important to remember....that bringing up our children to know the Lord....begins.....AT HOME!!!

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

In His Most Precious Love....and with mine!!


  1. Oh Deb that's a great post! And I totally understand where you're coming from. I always knew that many of my present problems came from being ridiculed as a child, feeling unloved, that kind of thing...but its so difficult trying to change when were older. I've spent years trying, especially with the confidence, but the nearest I can get is just pretending that I'm confident, pretending that I'm patient while holding my breath and trying not to say anything....you know what I mean?

  2. Great Post. I don't recall being ridiculed when I was young but the girl who got me to go to church was, especially bullied. I seen what it did. Did I stand up for her, no I was afraid they may do the same to me. I let my kids form their own opinion of their dad. I always left a line of communication between them when he was in prison and when he got out. I know Jonpaul is thankful for me letting him go up there for a year. Tabitha thinks other but that is her opinion. But this would be something good for young people to read. The younger the better. Love ya........:)

  3. this is a good post. you know. all of your "faults" as you wrote above, i have them too...wonder where they came from. even thinking people are mad or talking about me. yep, that's me!


Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
Proverbs 16:24