Wednesday, December 5, 2018

{ Wednesday's Word - Grief }


keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or 
loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret

cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow

The 5 Stages of Grief & What They Really Mean.

Being transparent and open and honest is hard, but so often God asks to do hard things but with His help. I really don't want to be writing and sharing this because I feel like it makes me vulnerable for criticism and all sorts of other emotions, but I'm doing it anyway, hoping that someone else can relate realizing that you're not alone. 

I've been going through the stages of grief for quite some time and didn't even realize it until last Friday morning.  As God would have it, I "just happened" to watch an Instastory posted by a lady I follow. I had no idea that she would talk about grief before it was over, but she did, and she also prayed for those watching. As she spoke about the 5 stages of grief, I saw myself for a very long time going through each one of those powerful emotions and letting them cripple me and cause me to practically come to a stand-still in my life. I've allowed this to affect me physically and emotionally. I'm going to also say that it has affected my spiritual life, but I don't think that's been such a bad thing because it has caused me to cling even tighter to God's hand and His word has become sweeter to me. Each morning as I've poured my heart out to Him, He's whispered His precious comfort over my soul.  One of my very favorite things is to open up my Bible in the mornings and the feeling that comes over me often before I even read anything at all. It truly is a sweet aroma.

I'd like to share a few things that I've come to realize as I've pondered on these 5 stages of grief during the past week.


My own denial is very selfish in thinking "how could this happen to me?" when in fact it should have been "why not me?". God uses the hard things to prune us and make us into better servants for Him to share our struggles with others.  That's something that isn't always easy for me because I have this tendency to want everybody to think my life is just perfect when in reality I'm a sinner and live in a sinful world. 


Y'all, I could write a book on this emotion. This doesn't even sound right to admit (remember the problem with perfection) but one thing I was angry about was I so wanted Pappy and me to share in some type of ministry after he retired and that hasn't happened. I won't go into detail all the other things that have caused so much anger and regret and deep sorrow, but all of those things have been there and it took practically nothing for them to surface.


This one's difficult to describe and maybe it didn't last long or wasn't even a part of this process at all. If you can call it bargaining, then it had to be my begging God to change the situation to what I wanted (selfish much?).


If you know me well, you know this is something I struggle with. This isn't something new and as I look back over my life, all the way to childhood, I know I've suffered bouts of depression for well over 50 years. During this battle it overcame me. You might wonder how in the world could she be a Christian if she admits to allowing herself to become depressed. Please know that I've asked myself that very same question over and over through the years. My consolation is remembering all those in the Bible who suffered from that same feeling of desperation.....
Moses, David (a man after God's own heart), Job (and Job's wife), Elijah, Jeremiah (the weeping prophet)

I believe the Bible lets us know about the depression and desperation these great saints went through as an example to us - after all, isn't that what the Bible is for?


From what I've read we can go through all of the first 4 emotions in any given order, but the final one is acceptance. Does this mean that we like how things are going, how our life turned out, that we don't get "our way"? Absolutely not. We realize there are situations and folks in our life that are completely out of our control. We accept that God has a greater plan and we have no idea the "why" of the way things are going. My own greatest acceptance is that He loves me and cares about how I suffer, but that He is using it for His glory!

If you're reading this and you're in the midst of grief, or just coming out of it, or like me and don't even realize you're grieving, let me pray for you. I've shared some of my struggles with very close friends whom I knew would pray for me and keep my confidence. Find such a friend for yourself. I'll be glad to pray for you in confidence if you would like to e-mail me at

Thank you, sweet Friends, for listening and praying for me. 
I so appreciate all your kind comments and prayers and love. 

HOPE each of you has a Wonderful Wednesday full of blessings!


  1. I also wanted to add this quote that was in one of my recent devotions from Journey:

    "Do you understand now why I didn't shield you from the pain? Now you know how much it hurt Me to see you cry. I tried to get your attention but you just wouldn't listen. I love you too much to keep you from growing into the woman I created you to be. You were never forgotten. I was there the entire time, on the edge of My seat, watching and waiting. My heart ached knowing you would have pain. So with a heart full of immense love and fierce protection, I let you fall so you could grow. But I was ready to scoop you up and wipe away every tear" <3

  2. Will pray for your sweet spirit dear friend today. Know that God has you in the palm of His might hands. WOW! What a good place to be. Love you. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

  3. 22 years after the death of my son, I have never had a problem with denial, bargaining or depression, acceptance was two-faced. Reality I knew in my mind Craig was gone heart had a hard time accepting that I shall never see my 22 year old son again, which was how old he was at the time of his death ....I did not think I was angry. Then one morning in prayer "early" the Lord reached down inside of me. I was shocked because I thought I had no anger over Craig's death. Anger can disguise itself so cunningly. In my home on a Saturday morning "early" as I wept before the Lord in prayer, he reached down and pulled a bit of stored up anger out of me. Anger was disguised as doubt Anger was disguised as nonchalant attitude Anger was disguised as "a belief that nothing good can happen for me" ...What the Lord showed me was that I was angry with him. I did not have a violent anger, I was not speaking evil words about the Lord, but it settled down inside of me and became a part of my belief system which hindered me moving forward in total trust and confidence in the goodness of the Lord. 21 years later He revealed this to me and it has been a slow moving process of healing.. The Lord is gracious and he knew that it was time to bring healing to the soul that stored this anger. Thanks Debbie for this share!

  4. Powerful message, I'm sure it will touch the heart of all who visit you today. My daddy has been gone for 18years, I don't think I'm still grieving but I think of him every single day and I long to be with him again. Maybe I am still grieving after all.

  5. Oh dear Debbie...This is all so powerful and real and true. Every one of us will go through these stages of grief at one time or another in life. How we respond will be unique to each one of us...but it will affect us deeply no matter what we think. I understand this all too well...and I hear what you are saying and my spirit wants to reach out to yours and just hold you and whisper words of comfort in your ears. I know God is already doing this for you, step by step. It is not an instant "fix". We are being held in His loving arms and hands, and He continues to caress us with His love and care every day. He is training us for heaven...we think it's all about here on earth...but this is just the training ground...and it seems as though the training never gets done but that once we think we've arrived, a new lesson is given to us to learn and be tested upon. I have seen much disappointment and sorrow in this life, but God continues to bless and keep and teach and LOVE He does you...and even when we don't get what we think we want or what we think is best for us...we do get exactly what God is preparing us for....and He gives us what we need to get through...and even to be victorious in it all. Someday we will graduate to heaven and it will all make sense then.

  6. Very powerful Debbie. God made us in His image but not in His perfection as we are His human children. Thank you for sharing this honest and human post. Take care me dear friend. Hugs

  7. Yes, I have been through those stages a few times. Faith keeps us strong!

  8. My heart and prayers goes out to you dear Debbie! This touched me in so many ways, for I have been going through 'grief'. I believe I have gone through these stages now and God has whisper to me He is with me and knows my struggles, He's held me in his arms so often this year. Thank you so much for posting this. I read somewhere that Grief is "love with no where to go" I know that God loves us and sees our every struggle and provides for us a way, he hears our hearts cry's for help. There's always a purpose for it, a lesson, a Spiritual growth. In Time we'll understand. Praise God!

  9. I can tell you, my friend. These stages are so true. I experienced every one of them - first with my husband and then my mother. Grief has to work its way through but not totally overwhelm and consume you and that can be a fine line. You are in my prayers. It's one day at a time, my friend. Love your post and it made me cry.


Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
Proverbs 16:24