Thursday, March 21, 2013

Transparency!!!

.....my weakness I feel I must finally show.
(lyrics from "Awake My Soul" - Mumford and Sons)

I suffer from depression.

I have for many years of my life.

It will come over me like a wave in the ocean and I can even feel it happening, but can't control it.  The depression in itself causes guilt because, as a CHRISTian, I feel this shouldn't happen to me.  It's not that I'm blaming God.....oh, no, the blame ALWAYS goes toward myself, which doesn't help at all with the problem.  I've had people "make fun" of me for this ailment in ways that cut straight into my heart, even sharing their thoughts with others, talking about me, trying to be sly about it, but I saw right thru it.  That's the thing about some of us who suffer from depression....we are very sensitive and aware.

I have a friend who also has problems with depression.
We are so much alike in our thoughts and beliefs.
We talk about our "ailment".
Her explanation of why we suffer goes back to what I just said....
....we are very sensitive.
We feel for others.
We have a heart for others who suffer and it's hard to know where to draw the line of just praying for them, and actually doing something to "fix" their problem.

I've been depressed for the last few weeks.
I couldn't put my finger on why.....
....I sometimes can't.
It dawned on me one day this week....
I was depressed because of a burden I was carrying for someone.

I couldn't fix them....but, oh how I longed to.
All I could do was pray....and wait....and let God do His work.

And, He did.
He came thru....
....for them.....
....and for me!!!

2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
So to keep me from becoming proud, 
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger 
 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 
 Each time he said, 
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, 
so that the power of Christ can work through me.  
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults,
hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. 
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In HIS Most Precious Lve....and with mine, too!!!

Blessings,
Deb

9 comments:

  1. Thanks for that encouragement!!! God is good! =)
    Blessings!

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  2. I've struggled with depression for 35+ years. Even when I am on a anti-depressant it only just keeps me a little above water. I just feel blah all the time. It's just who I am. ;-(

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    1. I suffer from depression also. Like Deb, I have a feeling of guilt about it, but I do thank the Lord that he finally pushed me to go to the doctor. Since I'm on meds I do okay. I've tried to stop taking that wonderful little white pill but it doesn't take but a day or too for me to start sinking again. Like you, I'm treading water and holding on the the Lord's righteous right hand. BTW, I am a true coffee lady also..there's almost always a pot brewing at my house!

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  3. It's interesting that you were able to pinpoint a "cause" or "source" of this particular heaviness, Deb! I've never been officially "diagnosed" but often wonder if that is what I deal with... In the end, I guess it's not about what the name is so much as what we DO with it when we feel it coming on or are "in" it.

    I'm sure there is a whole spectrum of depression and most of us only know "our own". One thing I am learning is: I am NOT alone!

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  4. I have battled depression since my husband died. Thanks for sharing this post.

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  5. Deb, I certainly understand your guilt about depression. I have suffered with depression for many years, for reasons I don't know! I think it must be in my genes...God is good though, He has a tight hold on me and because of that I am doing okay. He understands our pain, that's for sure! ((hugs)) Dear Friend!

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  6. So glad that God blessed you both. Your transparency is a blessing to many, Deb. God bless...

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  7. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself with us Deb! Being a Christian doesn't protect us from depression anymore than it protects us from diabetes or cancer. The answer for healing always comes from the same place though - look up!

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  8. I also suffer from depression Deb, it is better now than it was, but sometimes it does just come over me and I know just what you mean about the guilt, the sensitivity etc etc. Hugs to you - Nita

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Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24