{ Mental Health Awareness }

 May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 

I was hesitant to post this, but I'm sharing in hopes of helping someone else. I struggle with depression and anxiety. The last 8 years have been so very difficult, especially the last 2 years and to be even more specific the last 6 months. I've had to set boundaries to protect my mental health and even my physical health due to battling high blood pressure. It's caused a whole bunch of other issues that are very personal. As a Christian we often feel so guilty for not being strong enough to overcome. Often, especially for me, I'm hesitant to ask for help or even prayer because of rejection, being brushed off and ignored, or simply the embarrassment. In the past few weeks, I've acknowledged that I am having trouble coping and I've asked a few trusted women to pray for me. I am feeling some better. My sleep is much improved and my energy is slowly increasing. I've started on B12 shots and finally got my BP under control. I'm still struggling with weight gain and turning to food instead of prayer and my Bible... but I'm trying to show myself grace in that area. My coping skills haven't been very good because I've been bombarded with so much the last little while. When things get bad I seem to withdraw and retreat...that's how I cope. And I realized just recently that I'm still desperately grieving the loss of Momma. Taking care of her took a toll on me physically and emotionally that some just don't seem to understand.

You might wonder why I'm sharing all of this. It's definitely not for one bit of sympathy. It's only because I want you to know that I can empathize and understand if you are struggling, too. I heard a pastor speak against taking anxiety meds... I want you to know that you do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Please reach out to someone. Private message me here or on Facebook. 

Just do not suffer alone... 

Please! 

I love Y'all but God loves you so much more! 

 

{ Wednesday's Word - Irritation }

Okay, I know that's kind of an odd word to  choose, but bear with me.  Sometimes on Tuesday's this little kiddo "keeps Nannie" while his siblings attend some classes.....

(he was feeding grass to his lawnmower)

One of our neighbors was sweeping up leaves and bringing them to a vacant lot across from us to dump them out.  We went outside to play and this sweet boy was sitting on my lap looking at Lego horses on my phone (something he HAS to do every time he sees me or Pappy) when he said.....

"That's getting on my nerves."

Now bear in mind that he just turned two in July.

So I asked him what was getting on his nerves......

after I composed myself from busting out laughing!

He said "that lawnmower"!

It gave me such a good laugh and oh how it does my heart wonders for him to stay with me.  But, his statement got me to thinking about how we let things irritate us.  Pappy says he's just like me in some of his actions because I, too, don't tolerate noises very well.  I've decided I have some "sensory issues".

 

(can you even believe I found this little saying with an owlie? That has to be a sign that it applies to me....LOL)

What about you?

Is there something that just grates on your last nerve sometimes?  Or, am I the only crazy lady to admit that I have "issues"?!?!??

Now, this is really funny.....

and can be applied to me!

Happy Wednesday, Everybody!!!

Breathing in Grace,

P.S....

From some of my posts y'all have to think that I'm the most nervous, stressed-out, depressed, SAD person alive!!!  I promise I'm not.  I just try to be really honest about things that bother me.  I truly, honestly have GOOD days and many more of those than bad ones!!!  But....with that being said....y'all will never know how much your precious comments, and especially your PRAYERS mean to me.  Y'all are the BESTEST!!!

P.S.S.....

don't forget about Friday Foto Friends.

Get your photo ready to link-up!!!

{ Moody Monday }

When I worked in an office and was under fluorescent lights all day, the weather didn't seem to affect me much.  It wasn't until I quit my full-time job and became a stay-at-home.....

Jacqueline of all trades (LOL)......

that I realized just how SAD I could become if there were too many dark, gray days in a row.

SAD.....

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

(click to read Mayo Clinic's definition)

When I told Pappy this morning that it was supposed to be rainy again today he started singing.....

"Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sun, shine in!"

(remember "The Age of Aquarius"?)

Then this little song came to mind that I hadn't thought about in many years.....

So how do you beat the gray day blues?
Since I can't "fly south for the winter", I try to find other ways to help.  I turn on lamps because the more light the better.  I dig into God's Word because Satan loves nothing better than for me to give in to the gray-day thoughts.  Turning on the radio and listening to some awesome Christian music helps me a lot.  And, weather-permitting, I try to go for a walk.  Walking is a great mood enhancer for me!

Are you affected by SAD?
How do you overcome it?
I would love suggestions!

HOPE everybody has an awesome day.

Remember to let some SONshine into your life today!

And remember.....
SMILE!!!



Breathing in Grace,

 

{ Be kinder to yourself }

About a week ago I shared a very heart-filled wordy post talking about my depression.  I closed the comments on that post, but received several e-mails from those who read it and many who saw themselves in what God allowed me to share.  One of the comments, though, wasn't so much about the reader's own battle with depression as much as it was a gentle prod asking me a question regarding forgiveness.  I know the Holy Spirit led this lady to send the e-mail and there was a time in my life that I would have allowed it to anger me, taking it as a "slap in the face", so to speak.  This sweet lady meant nothing of the kind.....

she was only asking me a question because it was something she had experienced herself.

Her question was a very simple one.....

"Do you have anyone to forgive?"

I've thought about that question and pondered on it.  As a matter of fact sometime before she sent me that e-mail, I had prayed asking God to show me people I  needed to forgive.  I truly felt in my heart that I had forgiven those that I thought had wronged me.  (maybe a later post on the topic of only being wronged based on our own "stinking thinking").

But, then as I sat and did my devotions one morning I felt in my Spirit that there was one person I knew I hadn't forgiven.  This person tried desperately to do what was right, to not wrong anybody, to be the best she could be, but still it was NEVER good enough.  She beat herself up over every little thing and just couldn't seem to let go of her past, bringing up things that had happened so very long ago that she knew God had already thrown into the depths of the ocean (Micah 7:19).  She was so full of self-condemnation that she knew was wrong  but still couldn't rid herself of.

This person that I had refused to forgive was.....

ME.

Then, a few days later I saw the little sign at the beginning of this post and realized that was meant for me, too.  For oh, so long I've watered the wrong things in my life.  I've kept alive those feelings of self-condemnation, nurturing them and allowing them to  grow deep roots.  Prayerfully I'm digging up those roots.  It might take me awhile to get them all out of my heart and mind and there will probably always be "sprouts"......

but I know He's doing a work in my heart about forgiveness.

I have a cousin who also battles depression, and as a totally God-thing, he sent me a text last Thursday evening.  I had never shared my battle with depression with him, but he knew.  I sent him a text one morning this week and part of it read simply....

"Be kinder to yourself".

So, that's what I'm going to try to do each day, and I know it's going to take time and effort and the Lord's help.....

but I want to be kinder to Deb.

God thinks she's worth it and who am I to argue with Him?

Breathing in Grace,

Thank you, precious reader for listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to ask me that very hard question.  

I truly appreciate it!!!

  

[ My thorn in the flesh ]

(comments closed on this post)

I suffer from depression.  I know I've shared that before, but thought that maybe right now, at this very minute, there might be somebody reading this who needs to know that you're not alone in your own suffering.  See, that's the thing with me and maybe you, too.  When I get down and feel like I'm totally alone and nobody understands I fail to remember that somebody else out there is going through something very similar, who has the same struggles and trials and thoughts running through their minds as I do.  They're more than likely spending many restless nights worrying and wondering and pondering on the wrong things.  Even at my age I fail to remember when I get in one of those dark places that Satan is so very much enjoying seeing me like that because he knows that I'm not depending on the Lord like I should.  Sometimes I arrogantly think that I've got this depression thing licked.....it's behind me and I'm so happy I don't have to be concerned with it rearing its ugly head again.  It's about that time that something happens in my life to trigger the anger (that's usually how mine starts) and then it's a downward spiral until I find myself in a very dark place and feel there's NEVER  going to be any light at the end of the tunnel.  That's where I've  been for the last couple of weeks.  This time, it's lasted longer than normal for me. 

For many years, I've called my depression my "thorn in the flesh".  The Bible doesn't tell us what Paul's "thorn" was, but that wasn't what we were to glean from his statement. (I read somewhere that it was a demon and that's exactly how I would describe depression....a demon)  In II Corinthians 12, we learn that to keep Paul from becoming proud he was given some kind of ailment.  Again, we don't know if it was physical or emotional or even spiritual.  Paul asked God not once but three times to take away this issue.   Each time God told Paul....

"My grace is all you need.

My power works best in weakness".

II Corinthians 12:9 - NLT

Paul goes on to say that he takes pleasure in his weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that he suffers for Christ. I CANNOT say that I take any amount of pleasure in my depression.  I don't think  I allow it to bring any kind of glory to the Lord.  Maybe by sharing it here I can help to remedy that and somebody else can realize that you're not alone.  God sees what we're going through.  Others might not understand and be critical of us, but God sees and knows and He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY.....

depression and all.

I love these words that Paul shares and HOPE that I can remember them the next time I get down and out because I know there will be a next time....

For when I am weak, then I am strong!

But, my strength is not in myself.....

it's CHRIST in me!

  

If you see yourself in my words, PLEASE find somebody to talk to.  I love my husband dearly, but he has  never understood my depression, which makes matters worse for me.  Sometimes after SONday school, a lady in our class will come and sit behind me for a few minutes in the sanctuary before the service starts and we'll chat.  This past SONday she leaned really close and spoke to me and simply said "how are you doing".  Before I even realized it, I said "Will you pray for me?  I suffer from depression and this past week has been really difficult?"  That had to be the Holy Spirit, because it is so unlike me to share that with anybody.  She told me after church that she was so honored that I had asked her to pray for me.  See how God works? This lady needed the blessing of me asking her to pray for me as much as I needed prayer.  

I'm going to close the comments on this post because I'm not writing for sympathy.....and maybe I'm a bit afraid of criticism, too. If you have something you want to share, or are in need of prayer for your own depression or anything else you might be going through, you can e-mail me at wiseoldowldesigns@comcast.net.

I'm seeing Light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you, sweet Lord for your love and mercy and kindness and grace.  

I'm trying desperately to BREATHE You in!

Love and blessings to you all.

Breathing in Grace,

(Thank you, Ms. Beckey for your cell phone number. 

 I truly wanted to text you for prayer but was too prideful to ask.  

I've saved it in my phone for the next time)

Transparent Tuesday.....

I've shared with y'all.....

that I sometimes suffer from depression.

 I think back.....
quite often.....
to the time that somebody wrote about my depression on a form of social media.  That really hurt my heart so much, even to this day,  and I have no idea why it was done.

If you've never known depression,
or been close to somebody who battles this terrible "disease".....
then, making fun of that person is the absolute last thing they need.

As a Christian,
battling depression can be even harder, I think.
I feel like I shouldn't be depressed....
that God should be enough.
(which, He is)
Those thoughts cause a load of guilt,
which doesn't help the "blue mood" at all.

All this being said.....
last week was really difficult for me.
As the week progressed,
I could feel myself sinking.
By Friday, I knew I was in trouble.....
and Saturday was absolutely terrible.
I sent a text to my best friend, requesting prayer,
and of course, she stopped and did just that.

Sunday morning, I didn't see how I could go to church.....
but I did because I'm part of the prayer team and my turn is always the third Sunday of the month, so I didn't want to bow out of that commitment. 
I told Pappy that it was going to be very difficult to pray for others,
when I felt like my own life was falling apart.
(exaggeration, I know, but when you're feeling that low, 
that's exactly how you feel)

Our team is made up of myself and 3 others,
one of which is a friend.....
not a close friend, but nonetheless, a friend.
Before we started to pray for the huge stack of prayer requests,
I spoke up and said that I felt I needed prayer myself before we started.
This friend bowed down before me on his knees and took my hand and prayed for me, and the rest of our group.

One of our cards was from a young lady who asked for prayer for her to
"continue to climb to the light out of depression".
God spoke to my own heart thru this precious lady's prayer request.....
and she doesn't even know it.

I'm sharing this because I know I'm not alone.
There are so many Christians who suffer from depression.
(Moses, Abraham, Jonah, Elijah, Jeremiah, 
and even David "a man after God's own heart")
If you're reading this and this sounds like you.....
NEVER hesitate to ask for prayer.....
but make your request to a prayer warrior.....
somebody whom you know truly cares about you and loves you and wants to see you get better.

Psalm 34:17-20

When the righteous cry for help, 
the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
  He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.

Breathing in Grace,

"Earth has no sorrow.....

.....that heaven can't heal."

My heart was so saddened when I heard the news about Mr. Robin Williams.
I, too, suffer from bouts of depression from time to time.

If you fight this battle yourself,

or have a friend or family member who does....

please listen and share this song by Mr. David Crowder.

It offers Hope!!!

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

    out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

    and steadied me as I walked along. 

He has given me a new song to sing,

    a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what he has done and be amazed.

They will put their trust in the Lord.

Breathing in Grace,

Deb

Transparency!!!

.....my weakness I feel I must finally show.
(lyrics from "Awake My Soul" - Mumford and Sons)

I suffer from depression.

I have for many years of my life.

It will come over me like a wave in the ocean and I can even feel it happening, but can't control it.  The depression in itself causes guilt because, as a CHRISTian, I feel this shouldn't happen to me.  It's not that I'm blaming God.....oh, no, the blame ALWAYS goes toward myself, which doesn't help at all with the problem.  I've had people "make fun" of me for this ailment in ways that cut straight into my heart, even sharing their thoughts with others, talking about me, trying to be sly about it, but I saw right thru it.  That's the thing about some of us who suffer from depression....we are very sensitive and aware.

I have a friend who also has problems with depression.

We are so much alike in our thoughts and beliefs.

We talk about our "ailment".

Her explanation of why we suffer goes back to what I just said....

....we are very sensitive.

We feel for others.

We have a heart for others who suffer and it's hard to know where to draw the line of just praying for them, and actually doing something to "fix" their problem.

I've been depressed for the last few weeks.

I couldn't put my finger on why.....

....I sometimes can't.

It dawned on me one day this week....

I was depressed because of a burden I was carrying for someone.

I couldn't fix them....but, oh how I longed to.

All I could do was pray....and wait....and let God do His work.

And, He did.

He came thru....

....for them.....

....and for me!!!

2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

So to keep me from becoming proud, 
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger 
 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 
 Each time he said, 
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, 
so that the power of Christ can work through me.  
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults,
hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. 
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In HIS Most Precious L♥ve....and with mine, too!!!

Blessings,

Deb